I wasn’t going to blog about this but I decided to as I need to get it off my chest.
Last Friday I got a postive pregnancy test. Yasu and I were over the moon. It was great to finally be able to say I was pregnant, and know what it feels like.
The weekend started out great, we went shopping and were coming home when I started to get cramps. I had cramps all through the pregnancy (6 weeks) so I wasn’t very concerned.
I went to the toilet and noticed a few drops of blood but I thought it was probably nothing to worry about. Later that evening the cramps got worse and bright red blood started to come out. The pain was so bad I took panadeine forte, nurofen, and panadol, all of which did not even touch the pain. Yasu sat up with me all night while my body expelled our precious child.
It has been a very difficult process for both of us, particularly Yasu, who has taken it very hard. He has always wanted kids, and to find out he was going to have one, then immediately lose it, well that was too much.
I have still had alot of pain because it is still coming out to a degree, though is getting less every day.
At the moment I can’t face pregnancy or the prospect of getting pregnant again. It’s all too emotional and raw for me at the moment.
Although Yasu wants to try again, I just don’t have the ability to try at the moment. I need some time to myself to process it, and sort my life out.
Before you say “it will happen when it is meant to”, please reconsider. I have had that said to me over and over by various friends and family members all these years and I’m sick of hearing it. Those that don’t find it hard to fall pregnant, or have not lost a baby, have no idea, the pain and agony those words cause the people who do.
Basically I have been putting on a “happy face” on my blog because I didn’t want to drag others down with my sorrow. This is the first and last post I will talk about this incident. I had to get it out there.
20 Comments
First of all, I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I've never been a maternal type, but I've read that a miscarriage is nearly as devastating as losing an actual baby. The loss of a dream or hope is very hard.
I also would not say that "it'll happen when it's meant to" because I don't know if it is meant to happen. You can feel free to tell me to go to hell for saying this, but my spiritual take is that decisions are made before we are born about the path our life will take and sometimes the decision is to have children and sometimes not. Sometimes it's not meant to be rather than being meant to be. Sometimes the choice you made was to suffer the loss as a way of achieving spiritual growth. I'm not saying that is the case, merely that I'd never tell anyone that "it'll happen" because I don't think anyone can know that.
There may be something else ahead for you once you sort everything out. There could be a revelation ahead or a path change, but I'm guessing none of that matters right now. I hope your period of mourning is brief, though I think you should take as much time as you need and not feel obliged to put on a brave face for anyone, let along a bunch of people who know you through your blog.
My best wishes and condolences to both you and Yasu.
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First of all, I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I've never been a maternal type, but I've read that a miscarriage is nearly as devastating as losing an actual baby. The loss of a dream or hope is very hard.
I also would not say that "it'll happen when it's meant to" because I don't know if it is meant to happen. You can feel free to tell me to go to hell for saying this, but my spiritual take is that decisions are made before we are born about the path our life will take and sometimes the decision is to have children and sometimes not. Sometimes it's not meant to be rather than being meant to be. Sometimes the choice you made was to suffer the loss as a way of achieving spiritual growth. I'm not saying that is the case, merely that I'd never tell anyone that "it'll happen" because I don't think anyone can know that.
There may be something else ahead for you once you sort everything out. There could be a revelation ahead or a path change, but I'm guessing none of that matters right now. I hope your period of mourning is brief, though I think you should take as much time as you need and not feel obliged to put on a brave face for anyone, let along a bunch of people who know you through your blog.
My best wishes and condolences to both you and Yasu.
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Hey Orchid,
I see that your beliefs are the same as mine. I do believe we make up a blueprint of our life before we come to earth, and what journeys will will take towards spiritual growth. I can't help but wonder what else I chose, but I guess I will find out one day.
Although it is part of my journey, it is still incredibly hard to deal with, and the other thing is I can't say it openly at home because Yasu and I don't have the same beliefs so where I can find solace in knowing its my journey, he can't.
Thanks for your wishes, I appreciate that. :)
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Hey Orchid,
I see that your beliefs are the same as mine. I do believe we make up a blueprint of our life before we come to earth, and what journeys will will take towards spiritual growth. I can't help but wonder what else I chose, but I guess I will find out one day.
Although it is part of my journey, it is still incredibly hard to deal with, and the other thing is I can't say it openly at home because Yasu and I don't have the same beliefs so where I can find solace in knowing its my journey, he can't.
Thanks for your wishes, I appreciate that. :)
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Kelly Darling, you know how I feel! I know how you feel, don't put on a "happy face" if you don't want to sweetheart!
Kelly I agree there may be something else ahead in your journey, your path that I hope going forward is full of happiness.
I do know how you feel and if there is anything I can do to help ease the mourning, please let me know.
I'm here if you want to talk, chat, scream, cry anything! If you need to take a mini vaycay, you are more then welcome to come here (it is hot now but I can turn on central AC).
What are some of the positive goals that you want to attain right now? Although it won't mask the mourning but I want you to bring positive energy in.
xo
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Kelly Darling, you know how I feel! I know how you feel, don't put on a "happy face" if you don't want to sweetheart!
Kelly I agree there may be something else ahead in your journey, your path that I hope going forward is full of happiness.
I do know how you feel and if there is anything I can do to help ease the mourning, please let me know.
I'm here if you want to talk, chat, scream, cry anything! If you need to take a mini vaycay, you are more then welcome to come here (it is hot now but I can turn on central AC).
What are some of the positive goals that you want to attain right now? Although it won't mask the mourning but I want you to bring positive energy in.
xo
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Gosh Kelly, that is terrible news. I am very sad to hear about your loss. I hope you can surround yourself with supportive people right now. You are completely entitled to mourn, and we as your blogging friends will be here to read what you have to say, happy or sad. I feel very humbled that you decided to share what happend with us. I wish you lots of strength and I am sending all the good vibes I can muster your way.
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Gosh Kelly, that is terrible news. I am very sad to hear about your loss. I hope you can surround yourself with supportive people right now. You are completely entitled to mourn, and we as your blogging friends will be here to read what you have to say, happy or sad. I feel very humbled that you decided to share what happend with us. I wish you lots of strength and I am sending all the good vibes I can muster your way.
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I'm so sorry to hear this :-'( and send best wishes to you and Yasu. I know how devastating this can be – my sister miscarried recently and there seemed to be no rhyme nor reason to it.
Lots of hugs your way xx
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I'm so sorry to hear this :-'( and send best wishes to you and Yasu. I know how devastating this can be – my sister miscarried recently and there seemed to be no rhyme nor reason to it.
Lots of hugs your way xx
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Oh Kelly, I'm sorry for your loss. There isn't much I can say that others haven't said, but take time for yourself to recover. There is no need to put on a brave front.
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Oh Kelly, I'm sorry for your loss. There isn't much I can say that others haven't said, but take time for yourself to recover. There is no need to put on a brave front.
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(I hope I didn't multiple post, having trouble getting this out with Wordpress profile)
I'm so sorry, Kelly. It's okay to grieve in whatever way feels right for you. You have support and love, no matter what.
Like you, I also believe we all have a basic soul blueprint, and I also believe that we have free will. So that while we set up specific circumstances and experiences before we come here, we also leave openings to make decisions and changes depending on how we choose to respond to what has played out.
So, however you choose to respond to what has happened, trust that you know what's best for you, and do whatever it takes to feel good again. And then, take it from there.
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(I hope I didn't multiple post, having trouble getting this out with Wordpress profile)
I'm so sorry, Kelly. It's okay to grieve in whatever way feels right for you. You have support and love, no matter what.
Like you, I also believe we all have a basic soul blueprint, and I also believe that we have free will. So that while we set up specific circumstances and experiences before we come here, we also leave openings to make decisions and changes depending on how we choose to respond to what has played out.
So, however you choose to respond to what has happened, trust that you know what's best for you, and do whatever it takes to feel good again. And then, take it from there.
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Thank you for all your comments. Although it is sad, this has made me realise what beautiful friends I have. Even if we are separated by a distance, I treasure you all :) Thank you so much!
I feel confident now to write again, knowing that you are all around to support me.
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Thank you for all your comments. Although it is sad, this has made me realise what beautiful friends I have. Even if we are separated by a distance, I treasure you all :) Thank you so much!
I feel confident now to write again, knowing that you are all around to support me.
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I'm really sorry you are going through this right now.
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I'm really sorry you are going through this right now.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Take a good care of yourself, physically and emotionally.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Take a good care of yourself, physically and emotionally.
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