I know in the blogging world I am a bit of an outcast. I don’t fit into the foreign wife category because even though my husband is Japanese, I don’t live in Japan, so I feel my views are somewhat discounted by other wives of Japanese men.
I feel as if sometimes I do upset people by my views. I’m hard-headed and opinionated. I stand up for my rights, and what I think is my right, but I also see things traditionally when it comes to Japanese culture and relationships to a certain extent.
I have no problem disagreeing with others if I genuinely disagree. A comment box is there for a reason. Some people only want comments that agree with them and remove others that don’t. I don’t agree with it. That said, I respect their right to manage their blog as they see fit.
My blog doesn’t really fit into any particular subject. It’s just a blog about an inter-cultural marriage and our daily life. Hardly interesting to others living a much busier and more interesting life on the other side of the world.
I’m not sad, nor am I asking for sympathy, or praise. I’m just commenting on what I see to be a fact.
There are a few regulars who do come past, read, and comment. I love my regulars, they are my soul food. I’m far from having a big fan club though, unlike some popular entities in gaijin wife blogland.
I have upped the amount of posts I write since last year. I can’t really say why, only that I have had the urge to write more about nothing in particular, than write less about something in particular.
34 Comments
Kelly, the way I see it luv, is that a blog is for yourself. I write for me, and so I dont really care how many people stop by. I would, however, prefer people to comment rather than lurk forever. I also dont see the need for a blog to fit into any mold, category, or clique. So, dont worry about that! I find, that when you write about positive and happy things in your life, people read and move on. It is when you write about something tragic, sad or heartbreaking that people stop and comment. I guess you can liken it to a car crash or sensational journalism!! After coming out of the infertility closet, I have had more visitors and comments than usual.I guess it is people's way of rallying for support. And this is nice to know. You are not an outcast, girl! Just keep doing your own thing, I say!!!
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Kelly, the way I see it luv, is that a blog is for yourself. I write for me, and so I dont really care how many people stop by. I would, however, prefer people to comment rather than lurk forever. I also dont see the need for a blog to fit into any mold, category, or clique. So, dont worry about that! I find, that when you write about positive and happy things in your life, people read and move on. It is when you write about something tragic, sad or heartbreaking that people stop and comment. I guess you can liken it to a car crash or sensational journalism!! After coming out of the infertility closet, I have had more visitors and comments than usual.I guess it is people's way of rallying for support. And this is nice to know. You are not an outcast, girl! Just keep doing your own thing, I say!!!
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oh… forgot to mention, that I agree with your straightness with commenting. If people dont want to hear it, they should have open comments, or should let people know in the post if they can deal with a certaintype of advise.
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oh… forgot to mention, that I agree with your straightness with commenting. If people dont want to hear it, they should have open comments, or should let people know in the post if they can deal with a certaintype of advise.
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that should be "shouldnt have comments"
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that should be "shouldnt have comments"
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oh, ps… how do you make that blog roll thing on your left side bar? My blogger is playing up bigtime at the moment, my cutest blog in the world template has dissapeared and I cant see my flickr photo badge, but I am wondering if it is jsut me who cant see it or can everyone not see it? Do I need to download Flash or something???? help me!
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oh, ps… how do you make that blog roll thing on your left side bar? My blogger is playing up bigtime at the moment, my cutest blog in the world template has dissapeared and I cant see my flickr photo badge, but I am wondering if it is jsut me who cant see it or can everyone not see it? Do I need to download Flash or something???? help me!
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Yeah, for some reason your blog is just green. I can see your flikr photo badge though.
If you want to add a blog roll
go to customize–>
then in "edit layout" click on "add a gadget"
click on "blog list" and it should add the gadget to your page. Click on "edit" and you should be able to add blogs of your choice. Then you can choose whether you want to display the title of the last update, snippet of text, or whatever.
It might help you if you reinstall the code for the layout. If you haven't done anything I'm not sure why it shouldn't work but try reinstalling the code into your blogger.
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Yeah, for some reason your blog is just green. I can see your flikr photo badge though.
If you want to add a blog roll
go to customize–>
then in "edit layout" click on "add a gadget"
click on "blog list" and it should add the gadget to your page. Click on "edit" and you should be able to add blogs of your choice. Then you can choose whether you want to display the title of the last update, snippet of text, or whatever.
It might help you if you reinstall the code for the layout. If you haven't done anything I'm not sure why it shouldn't work but try reinstalling the code into your blogger.
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And yes, it's true isn't it. Blogs are like car crashes. People only comment when something bad happens or when they react strongly to the content.
I try to comment every so often instead of lurking even if the blog is neither a car crash or a reaction for me. I'm not sure how many people out there are lurking on my blog but I advise you to come out right now and show your presence! Immediately!! (haha)
I guess if a lurker commented every once and a while it would be nice. As you say, a blog is for yourself. But, I feel there are huge cliques out there in gaijin wife blogland too. I'm very much a smallfry compared to them. And, they seem to very much have each others back. If you disagree with one of them, be ready to take on the whole pack. Well, in my experience, and from watching.
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And yes, it's true isn't it. Blogs are like car crashes. People only comment when something bad happens or when they react strongly to the content.
I try to comment every so often instead of lurking even if the blog is neither a car crash or a reaction for me. I'm not sure how many people out there are lurking on my blog but I advise you to come out right now and show your presence! Immediately!! (haha)
I guess if a lurker commented every once and a while it would be nice. As you say, a blog is for yourself. But, I feel there are huge cliques out there in gaijin wife blogland too. I'm very much a smallfry compared to them. And, they seem to very much have each others back. If you disagree with one of them, be ready to take on the whole pack. Well, in my experience, and from watching.
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Thanks girlie! Might save that for tomorrow. Still doing weird things. I got a new cutest blog template up but the logo is out of place and covering my latest post title. Too weird! Thanks for the blog roll info.
PS. as far as I see it there isnt any smallfry or bigfry about it. I have seen what you are tlaking about though, and also experienced it once in a while. The way I solved it… I no longer comment or visit that blog. No loss to me. We obviously were very different people with very different views on life.
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Thanks girlie! Might save that for tomorrow. Still doing weird things. I got a new cutest blog template up but the logo is out of place and covering my latest post title. Too weird! Thanks for the blog roll info.
PS. as far as I see it there isnt any smallfry or bigfry about it. I have seen what you are tlaking about though, and also experienced it once in a while. The way I solved it… I no longer comment or visit that blog. No loss to me. We obviously were very different people with very different views on life.
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If it makes you feel any better, you are less of an outcast than I. A wife in Japan who is not married to a Japanese person, particularly one who has been here so long.
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If it makes you feel any better, you are less of an outcast than I. A wife in Japan who is not married to a Japanese person, particularly one who has been here so long.
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Hi Kelly
I am new to this blogging thing, but I was amazed to find this huge online group (or should I say groups) of women who are married to Japanese men. What I find interesting about your blog is that you DON'T live in Japan. I want to hear how you guys are getting on outside of your man's country. I am hoping that in the future we will also leave Japan, but sometimes I think K is going to keep putting it off. I'm also a bit scared of how we are going to get on once we leave Japan. So please keep posting about what you and Yasu are up to!
Since I am new, I didn't want to go wild posting all kinds of comments until I get to know the person (as much as one can online) at least a bit. I think it is so easy for comments to be taken the wrong way so I always want to make sure that I'm not going to offend anyone (Did I mention I am seriously conflict adverse?)
Anyway, keep up your blogging. I tune in to every one, even if I don't say so, and I do always look forward to hearing what you have to say on my blog too. :)
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Hi Kelly
I am new to this blogging thing, but I was amazed to find this huge online group (or should I say groups) of women who are married to Japanese men. What I find interesting about your blog is that you DON'T live in Japan. I want to hear how you guys are getting on outside of your man's country. I am hoping that in the future we will also leave Japan, but sometimes I think K is going to keep putting it off. I'm also a bit scared of how we are going to get on once we leave Japan. So please keep posting about what you and Yasu are up to!
Since I am new, I didn't want to go wild posting all kinds of comments until I get to know the person (as much as one can online) at least a bit. I think it is so easy for comments to be taken the wrong way so I always want to make sure that I'm not going to offend anyone (Did I mention I am seriously conflict adverse?)
Anyway, keep up your blogging. I tune in to every one, even if I don't say so, and I do always look forward to hearing what you have to say on my blog too. :)
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I should say that I don't think anyone doubts your authority on living with a Japanese person or the experiences of having a Japanese husband. I think that the main area in which your opinion carries less weight is when you comment about living in Japan day-in and day-out for long periods of time.
I think you probably can understand this. It's a little like the difference between being an experienced babysitter and actually having kids. It's not that you don't have insight on the topic, but it's clear that your perspective is not the same as your experiences are limited. It's nothing personal. It's simply a fact of circumstances.
I don't fit into the community you're speaking of either since I'm not married to a Japanese person, but I kind of fit in because I've had long term experience in the greater society in Japan. Frankly, I don't really care if I fit in or not, nor if people take my perspective seriously or disagree. That's not because I don't care about what other people think and feel, but rather because I know that my perspective is different and I can see why they will weight it differently than one from someone in circumstances more akin to their own.
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I should say that I don't think anyone doubts your authority on living with a Japanese person or the experiences of having a Japanese husband. I think that the main area in which your opinion carries less weight is when you comment about living in Japan day-in and day-out for long periods of time.
I think you probably can understand this. It's a little like the difference between being an experienced babysitter and actually having kids. It's not that you don't have insight on the topic, but it's clear that your perspective is not the same as your experiences are limited. It's nothing personal. It's simply a fact of circumstances.
I don't fit into the community you're speaking of either since I'm not married to a Japanese person, but I kind of fit in because I've had long term experience in the greater society in Japan. Frankly, I don't really care if I fit in or not, nor if people take my perspective seriously or disagree. That's not because I don't care about what other people think and feel, but rather because I know that my perspective is different and I can see why they will weight it differently than one from someone in circumstances more akin to their own.
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Kelly, sorry to bring this up on your blog, but i gotta say to Orchid64 that I think your comment about Kelly's opion being "carrying less weight" is really out of line and your analogy about the babysiter and the parent I find offensive. I dont think it matters where you live, what nationality you or your husband is, or how well you speak or dont speak the language, everyone has a different take on Japan and EVERYONE's opinon in valid! Shame on you for belittling the opinons of others! If this was your own blog, I would let it fly but to say something like that to someone else on their own blog is really uncool.
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Kelly, sorry to bring this up on your blog, but i gotta say to Orchid64 that I think your comment about Kelly's opion being "carrying less weight" is really out of line and your analogy about the babysiter and the parent I find offensive. I dont think it matters where you live, what nationality you or your husband is, or how well you speak or dont speak the language, everyone has a different take on Japan and EVERYONE's opinon in valid! Shame on you for belittling the opinons of others! If this was your own blog, I would let it fly but to say something like that to someone else on their own blog is really uncool.
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Hi Kelly! How are you darling? I have to agree to keeping comments open so to as why some would delete comments that don't agree with them is sort of pointless, right?
Kelly I know you and I disagree on some issues and sometimes I am wrong, and you call me on it, and they I look back and see– so I have to thank you for pointing that out to me.
I know we won't always agree with each other but I am happy to know you, lucky to have you as a friend and no matter how much we may disagree on something I have a lot of respect for you luv!
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Hi Kelly! How are you darling? I have to agree to keeping comments open so to as why some would delete comments that don't agree with them is sort of pointless, right?
Kelly I know you and I disagree on some issues and sometimes I am wrong, and you call me on it, and they I look back and see– so I have to thank you for pointing that out to me.
I know we won't always agree with each other but I am happy to know you, lucky to have you as a friend and no matter how much we may disagree on something I have a lot of respect for you luv!
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Darn it… I knew I should have had my coffee before I began to type this early–
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Darn it… I knew I should have had my coffee before I began to type this early–
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P.S.S.
"I guess if a lurker commented every once and a while it would be nice. As you say, a blog is for yourself. But, I feel there are huge cliques out there in gaijin wife blogland too. I'm very much a smallfry compared to them. And, they seem to very much have each others back. If you disagree with one of them, be ready to take on the whole pack. Well, in my experience, and from watching."
I hate that shit! I am not going to agree with someone (which is or was a problem I had with a group a long time ago) because they won't like it, I don't think we should feel bullied into agreeing or not disagreeing for their sake–
Some of those wives groups/blogs makes it seem like "Mussolini" is running it- even if it is only three…. that to me is toxic, who needs that crap.
We are supposed to power each other, us as women, have disagreements of course but you know Kelly there are a few that are so toxic.. like the saying goes " few bad apples"…
I had to say "fuck em" and did my own thing on my blog, wrote about the bad and good, transparency goes a long way and I think the more transparent we are, the more we respect ourselves and others respect us..
Someone once gossiped about me saying "I'm all about me" but isn't that was a blog is for?
Gotta run or I could talk to you ladies forever. Have a fab day Kelly!
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P.S.S.
"I guess if a lurker commented every once and a while it would be nice. As you say, a blog is for yourself. But, I feel there are huge cliques out there in gaijin wife blogland too. I'm very much a smallfry compared to them. And, they seem to very much have each others back. If you disagree with one of them, be ready to take on the whole pack. Well, in my experience, and from watching."
I hate that shit! I am not going to agree with someone (which is or was a problem I had with a group a long time ago) because they won't like it, I don't think we should feel bullied into agreeing or not disagreeing for their sake–
Some of those wives groups/blogs makes it seem like "Mussolini" is running it- even if it is only three…. that to me is toxic, who needs that crap.
We are supposed to power each other, us as women, have disagreements of course but you know Kelly there are a few that are so toxic.. like the saying goes " few bad apples"…
I had to say "fuck em" and did my own thing on my blog, wrote about the bad and good, transparency goes a long way and I think the more transparent we are, the more we respect ourselves and others respect us..
Someone once gossiped about me saying "I'm all about me" but isn't that was a blog is for?
Gotta run or I could talk to you ladies forever. Have a fab day Kelly!
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Peace! I don't think anyone is being out of order here.
I love your blog, Kelly. It's all the more interesting for being about your experience married to a Japanese man in a western country. Some of the topics that you write about such as the case of violent Australian men and Japanese women might not come up in a blog written by someone in your situation who was living in Japan. So in the end things balance out.
At the same time, Orchid is in a unique position too and has a different experience to talk about.
Maybe I'm the most unusual – a British woman back in her country, not married to a Japanese man but hoping to ;-)
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Peace! I don't think anyone is being out of order here.
I love your blog, Kelly. It's all the more interesting for being about your experience married to a Japanese man in a western country. Some of the topics that you write about such as the case of violent Australian men and Japanese women might not come up in a blog written by someone in your situation who was living in Japan. So in the end things balance out.
At the same time, Orchid is in a unique position too and has a different experience to talk about.
Maybe I'm the most unusual – a British woman back in her country, not married to a Japanese man but hoping to ;-)
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I know what you mean about not fitting into any particular niche in the blogging world. I don't either (although obviously when I WAS married to a Japanese guy and I lived in Japan, my niche was more obvious!) and I sometimes think people don't know quite what to say about my blog posts as a result because there are very few people living the kind of life I lead. I agree with alot of what you have said about being able to speak freely on blogs, be it in the comments section or in the blog itself, our blogs are there for us to write what we want to regardless of what anyone else does/doesn't think. I always appreciate comments on my blog though as it is good to see where people are coming from in the grand scheme of things. If you can't be honest on your own blog though, where can you be?! ;-)
PS- I am not sure if I have commented here before but if not, HI! :-)
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I know what you mean about not fitting into any particular niche in the blogging world. I don't either (although obviously when I WAS married to a Japanese guy and I lived in Japan, my niche was more obvious!) and I sometimes think people don't know quite what to say about my blog posts as a result because there are very few people living the kind of life I lead. I agree with alot of what you have said about being able to speak freely on blogs, be it in the comments section or in the blog itself, our blogs are there for us to write what we want to regardless of what anyone else does/doesn't think. I always appreciate comments on my blog though as it is good to see where people are coming from in the grand scheme of things. If you can't be honest on your own blog though, where can you be?! ;-)
PS- I am not sure if I have commented here before but if not, HI! :-)
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Hi Midori,
Thank you for commenting, sorry if I am late to reply! Alot has been going on of late in my personal life and I've just been hectic.
Nice to meet another fellow blogger out there and to hear of your experience. :)
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Hi Midori,
Thank you for commenting, sorry if I am late to reply! Alot has been going on of late in my personal life and I've just been hectic.
Nice to meet another fellow blogger out there and to hear of your experience. :)
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