Kelly Azuma

someone mentions the word “gaijin” and you get your knickers in a knot and call it “racist”. Read more

The small town that my in-laws live in also has a small family-run onsen, which is situated about 15 minutes walk away from their house.

The long train ride to their town, a journey of some 15 hours, meant that all our bones and muscles were stiff and sore. On some of the trains, the reserved seats were booked out, so that meant we had to stand in the little compartment at the end of each carriage where the toilets are for a period of up to 3 hours. Other Japanese people who couldn’t get a ticket joined us occasionally, but they chose to stand up. Some Japanese people chose to sit in seats that didn’t have an owner yet, that is, the person who holds the ticket hadn’t gotten on at his stop yet, so they hastily scrambled back to the back of the train when the owner arrived and saw a stranger occupying his seat.

We preferred not to do that because we didn’t pay for the seat, so felt no right to occupy it.

We both chose to stand and sit down during the time in these little compartments, but it took a toll on our body being in a cramped little space for the majority of the journey.

Me in the small space next to the door

So by the time we got to Yasu’s parents place we were seeking out somewhere to sooth our tired bodies. Luckily enough, we didn’t even have to walk up the road because Yasu’s sister gave us a lift.

It was my first time using a proper onsen like this. I usually go to Sento, or bath houses, that have private rooms you can go into and relax without prying eyes.

This time though I decided I was going to do it the Japanese way. I could care less about being stared at, I just wanted to submerge my body in that delicious mineral heat.

Yasu gave me a quick run-down on the do’s and dont’s of Onsen bathing. I went in with my bucket, de-robed, scrubbed down and approached the main bath that had 4 other women. The older women gave me a full-on stare, and the younger women an out-of-the-corner-of-their-eye look.

I inched myself into the steaming hot water, and ahhh, it was just what I needed! But then, movement to my right, as there was a mass getting-out of the bath by all 4 women and into the bath on the other side. I was alone in the bath. I enjoyed it but wondered what happened. They suddenly all decided to move together? I didn’t see them talking.

On the other side of me, where the other women were now soaking, a mere wall separating us,  I could see a sign that said “rare event, special herb onsen”, and it piqued my interest. Herbs native to the area were tied in bags and were hanging from the corners of the bath, and the bubbling water was pushing the herbs to expel both scent and herbal goodness.

I decided to go over, and no sooner had I entered the bath there was a mass exit of all 4 women back to the other bath I had just left. I tried hard not to laugh. I just thought it was so hilarious that they were obviously trying to avoid me!

I had a great soak though and it turns out the herb bath is a once-a-month event so lucky me that I got to experience it at least once while I was there.

When I got home I told mum, dad, and Yasu and we all had a good laugh about what had happened. I kind of felt like I had been chasing them around the bath, but it wasn’t my intention.

On second and third trips to the same onsen, the same thing happened. I noticed how everyone got out of the sauna when I got in, and later the bath. I still had a chuckle to myself about it, and the best part, getting the bath all to myself!

I’m sure it’s the whole shock-horror-hope-gaijin-doesn’t-speak-english-to-me thing, and I don’t mind. That little town never sets eyes on a gaijin, and during the time I was there, even walking down the road with Yasu some old men came out of their houses and just about keeled over in shock with their mouths agape. Yasu and I laughed alot during the time, at people’s reactions to me.

The majority though were all very friendly, and after I spoke Japanese to them, they were even friendlier, going out of their way to make me feel welcome.

I know in the blogging world I am a bit of an outcast. I don’t fit into the foreign wife category because even though my husband is Japanese, I don’t live in Japan, so I feel my views are somewhat discounted by other wives of Japanese men.

I feel as if sometimes I do upset people by my views. I’m hard-headed and opinionated. I stand up for my rights, and what I think is my right, but I also see things traditionally when it comes to Japanese culture and relationships to a certain extent.

I have no problem disagreeing with others if I genuinely disagree. A comment box is there for a reason. Some people only want comments that agree with them and remove others that don’t. I don’t agree with it. That said, I respect their right to manage their blog as they see fit.

My blog doesn’t really fit into any particular subject. It’s just a blog about an inter-cultural marriage and our daily life. Hardly interesting to others living a much busier and more interesting life on the other side of the world.

I’m not sad, nor am I asking for sympathy, or praise. I’m just commenting on what I see to be a fact.

There are a few regulars who do come past, read, and comment. I love my regulars, they are my soul food. I’m far from having a big fan club though, unlike some popular entities in gaijin wife blogland.

I have upped the amount of posts I write since last year. I can’t really say why, only that I have had the urge to write more about nothing in particular, than write less about something in particular.

I found this somewhat offensive. The term “gaijin” or “outside person” is somewhat derogatory, they could have used “australia jin” to refer to me.

What gets me is that, once you go out of your native country, YOU become the foreigner! The Japanese people i have spoken to seem not to realise this!

So how do Japanese people feel about being referred to as a “gaijin” themselves? According to our friends, it’s not a word they would use to describe themselves. How about “Jap” then? As alot of people in Aus seem to call them that, unbeknownst to them.

I don’t know about you but it’s just one of those things that really ticks me off. All these double standards. It makes it seem like Japanese people think they are higher than other races because they never refer to themselves as “gaijin”.

What are your thoughts?

If you have been redirected here from Gaijin Fujin or Taste of Japan, thank you for coming! If it is your first time here, thank you also for visiting!

I decided to amalgamate two of my other blogs because it was too much effort to blog at two different places. I thought why not just do it all on the same blog? They are related to each other, both about Japan, so it makes more sense. It’s easier for you as well, you don’t have to visit two of my sites, only one.

I called my new blog Nakayoshi Life, because i wanted to get away from the whole “gaijin” thing. Our Japanese family always say we are “nakayoshi” and they always say how they want to be nakayoshi as a couple too.  It’s easy here, but in Japan, i think it’s hard for Japanese couples to be nakayoshi.

I hope you enjoy my blog, and i love comments, so feel free to drop any. How do you like the new minimalistic theme? I wanted to get away from all the clutter on the other pages.

Kelly xx