Among my friends there are quite a few Japanese women. All of these Japanese women have one thing in common – they are married to, or are in a relationship with an Australian man.
I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with how they are treated, or how they let themselves be treated.
I have a friend, let’s just say her name is Keiko. I met Keiko through an online penpal website. She was trying to make friends in Perth after just having moved here with her husband, and Australian guy she had just married.
This relationship was doomed from the get-go. Firstly Keiko cheated on him early in their courtship, but the Australian guy found out and threatened to kill the other guy unless she married him. Of course, Keiko decided to marry him because she felt intimidated, and the Australian guy bought her all these fancy Louis Vuitton handbags to try and win her over. He was really aggressive but also afraid of losing her in some twisted way. So, lured by the thought of endless LV handbags, Keiko married Bob.
Once they got married everything changed. The LV handbags dried up, and Bob revealed he had a daughter by his previous wife – a fact he didn’t mention before they got married, and Keiko never bothered to ask. Bob’s daughter came to live with them, and he started paying more attention to his daughter than Keiko, and when Keiko needed new clothes and a haircut, Bob ignored her and bought his daughter an $800 playstation console.
Soon Keiko was pregnant, and after a couple of years she had two children by Bob. Bob still favoured his all-Australian daughter over his two new half-children, and when the babies cried he smacked them around a bit to shut them up. If Keiko complained, she now got beaten to within an inch of her life, and told that if she were to leave, he would keep the kids.
Keiko now regrets ever marrying Bob. Now her children are nearing school age she was thinking about returning to work, but Bob put an end to that because he wants her at home, where he can control her. Keiko can’t go shopping, and if she sometimes is allowed, it’s only for buying the kid’s presents or clothes.
On the occasions when it is possible to go shopping for herself, Bob comes along and picks out what she can have and what she can’t. He also does the grocery shopping and controls exactly what they eat.
I am one of the only friends that is allowed into Keiko’s home. When Yasu and I do visit, Bob ignores us. In the beginning, Bob was friendly to us, but now his true colours show.
Keiko often talks about leaving, and I used to offer help, but not anymore. As much as I want to help, I can’t. Change and courage come from inside, not from me. I can’t push her to do something I know she lacks the courage for. So all I can do is be a shoulder to cry on when Bob comes home and hits her for not cleaning the house properly, or for not cooking the right meal, or for just being Keiko.
Another lady I know is in a similar position. Masako is in a relationship with an Australian guy. They live with his parents. He regularly hits her and abuses her in front of them and they don’t do anything, in fact they encourage it. They have a prejudice against Asians so they always say that Sam should “hit some sense into her” or “beat her into shape”.
Masako is a prisoner in his parents home. She is not allowed to go out at all. If she does go out, her Mother in law tells on her, and then she will be beaten. She is locked in, in the morning, and she doesn’t have a key. I have visited, and Sam has gone out and locked us in and I have had to wait until he gets home so I can go home! Sam is over 6ft tall and well built. He’s a professional boxer, so no one I can mess with.
Once again, Masako doesn’t have the courage to go to the police.
Another girl I know, Rie, is in a situation where her Aussie husband expects sex every day. When he doesn’t get it, he takes it anyway. The next day she wakes up and there is a parcel waiting beside her bed with a brand new designer handbag inside. Only on the day after she hasn’t been willing though.
He also makes it known that he has other Japanese girlfriends, he often leaves his computer on in view, so she can see the numerous emails he gets from the girls. He often goes out all night and never accounts for his whereabouts. He says he doesn’t have to. Though Rie is not allowed out by herself, or even with her friends. He wants to accompany her at all times, so now her friends do not bother contacting her, because he is a total arrogant pig, and often tried to sleaze onto her friends. We now keep in touch by email, because I can’t stand the guy, as much as I love my friend.
These are a few stories. I know many more.
I often ask myself, why do Japanese women let themselves be treated like this? In this vast land of opportunity that is Australia, why come here and let yourself be treated as a prisoner? Surely that is not love. You deserve so much more. Every woman does!
Is it just a bad choice, or are Australian men just pigs? Is this some kind of fatal attraction towards the rotten apples? I know a great many men who are nice, respectable men. I never knew any guys like the ones these girls are going out with until I started meeting Japanese woman in a relationships with one.
As a very strong-headed woman, I could not ever imagine myself in this position. I don’t let Yasu boss me around. He never says when I can or cannot go out, he knows I wouldn’t pay attention. He can’t keep me like a pet. On the same token, I don’t tell him when he can or can’t go out either. I believe that we are equal and we have the same rights and opportunities.
I had an idea that these women won’t complain because they are now on a visa in a foreign country. The men hold this over them to keep them in line. Ultimate punishment is losing your visa and being sent home.
My husband has permanent residence now, but even when he had a visa, there would be no reason for me to ever use that against him. Never would I! To use a visa as a bargaining tool is so low, I can’t contemplate it.
I think basically, these guys are society’s outcasts. They are the guys that usually stay at home and hurt small kittens, watch nasty video’s and play shoot ‘em up games on the internet. They know they have know hope with a normal Australian women due to their over-aggressiveness/controlling ways/violent tendencies etc and the only way they can ever have a relationship is to lure Japanese women with expensive gifts, then imprison them after marriage so they don’t run away. Really, they are scared, weird guys who have no confidence in themselves.
Somehow, in the hope of moving to foreign lands, and the prospects of marrying a rich Aussie guy, these women walk into a trap. I know 7 Japanese women married to scary Australian guys who have taken away their freedom and now treat them like dogs. I know 1 Japanese woman who married a nice, respectable guy, who loves her and treats her well.
If any Japanese woman who reads this is considering marrying an Aussie guy and there is something ‘just not quite right’ about him, or he gets angry really easily, please reconsider! Please don’t throw away your freedom so lightly, please don’t entrap yourself in a violent relationship! Please walk away now!!
